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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26407780">Kleine Freuden des Ehelebens</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyByron/pseuds/LadyByron'>LadyByron</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Eroica Yori Ai o Komete | From Eroica with Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Domestic, M/M, Married Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:54:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26407780</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyByron/pseuds/LadyByron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonding with your soul mate is a privilege only the strongest of lovers can endure. The key of success is in the strength of the fighters.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Klaus von dem Eberbach/Dorian Red Gloria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kleine Freuden des Ehelebens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>"Don't cry, baby, is not death<br/>Under the roofs the sun is shining<br/>I'm looking for the orange and green<br/>Under the sheets<br/>The blue night passes by...</p><p>If is convenient to remain together<br/>We'll do everything despite the world<br/>And there'll be no sorrows for us<br/>And we'll be not two but one.",</p><p>Pequeñas Delicias De La Vida Conyugal (Little Joys Of Married Life), Charly García.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I didn't know I could feel like this. I'm quite messed up. I used to be completely unaware of other people's feelings. Even of my own. But right now I'm so certain about it.</p><p>Call it stubbornness. Call it a duty. But I can't help fighting for it. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on him, or the child. </p><p>When I was younger, I never bothered to be happy. I just wanted to be satisfied. Working and being good at what I did. But happiness, that is just something very futile and almost absurd. Perhaps, not absurd, but frivolous. </p><p>Until he appeared and my life gave a 180° turn. The most frivolous man I've ever met.</p><p>Even then, I still felt confused. I still pushed him away. I hurt him, deliberately, to keep him away from me. I had no idea of what I felt for him. But he was always there. And the more he was there, the more I got used to him. The more I got to appreciate him. The more I got to worry and care for him.</p><p>I didn't want to be like that. I still don't like it. Being a... Homosexual, is not on my list of habits. Being sexual, even. Sex was just a thing I did out of need. But as for the thief... I didn't even want to think about sleeping with him. I hated it. But I knew at some point that I was so confused. He would offer himself to me with open arms, he would touch me and simply love me so openly. And I hated it at first but at some point it just intimidated me. And I knew, right then, that it was something else. I had something for him. I felt something for him. And because I am who I am, I needed to know what it was.</p><p>The opportunity came, it was just one time I spent my days in London because of work. He invited me to his castle, I agreed to go. He ended up in my bed for some reason. I didn't push him away. And it was so awkward, but so natural, that I accepted the facts as they presented, and he visited me each night until I came back home. </p><p>It didn't take long until he came to me, to Germany. And he started being there. I didn't push him away. He just stayed. And stayed. And stayed. As always, he simply WAS THERE.</p><p>His gang kept being a gang, but he stopped being their leader. His pet, James, complained, but Bonham bought his silence with money. </p><p>And the thief stayed with me. Day, after week, after month. And I never even bothered saying go away. Because I realized. I loved him. And he was the partner that I needed.</p><p>And once I know something, and once it becomes part of me, of my routine, of my life, I can't get rid of it. </p><p>Year after year. He was there. And I realized I did not only love him. I adored him. So much that it hurt. Because it was new, even after some years. And because I felt humiliated, having to hide it to my father, to my bosses. And because I suddenly felt guilty for all the pain I've caused him. And because suddenly I started feeling all I've never felt before, and it was heavy on me, and overwhelming.</p><p>But I am who I am, and I faced everything with strength. The discrimination, the hatred, everything. Because as long as the thief was with me, I was satisfied. I was loved, very much. I had sex, very much. I had conversations, I had dinners, I had even giggles, which I hadn't had even when I was a teen.</p><p>He wanted a family, I gave him a family. I agreed to the fastidious nonsense of him, and jerked off and gave my seed away to be planted in someone's womb, and we had the goddamn child.</p><p>The most beautiful baby girl on Earth. Our daughter. And my life was very good.</p><p>Even though we suddenly didn't sleep much, even though he was tired, even though we couldn't have that much of sex. But I was very satisfied. I really was. This was exactly the opposite of what I ever wished to have. I never, for a second, wished to have this. And now I did. And I was so satisfied. So... happy.</p><p>That I didn't notice how unhappy he was.</p><p>But at some point, he started complaining about everything. He started seeing all bad in me. He started pointing out how much of a hypocrite I was, punching him in the past when he offered me his heart and now crawling behind him to get just a little touch of his hand. He would cry, a lot, and it's quite a thing to see such a big man cry. </p><p>But now, everything I did, hurt him. He was insanely jealous and even the slightest of glances would ignite storms of jealousy I never wished to see. Gladly for him, I didn't have friends, but even seeing my alphabets for too long would make him mad. He practically forbade me to see Z, and I never, ever understood why. And if he didn't force me to kick G away, it was because he liked him a lot. But I sincerely never felt anything for them. </p><p>But nothing I did was right.  We started fighting, a lot. We would yell, our kid would cry, he'd attend the child, we would ignore each other later. We would sleep on the bed with a large gap between our bodies, back facing back. We would eat in an uncomfortable silence, nothing but the annoying sound of chewing floating in the air, and the baby's cooing and gurgling.</p><p>Occasionally, I'd still try, and touch this and that and he'd respond, and we'd have just some fast, odd sex that would lead to nothing, just immediate satisfaction. </p><p>But it wasn't sex what we wanted, did we, Dorian? When we gave in to each other?</p><p>What did we want? What did you want, Dorian?</p><p>I didn't know what I want. I wanted nothing, ever. Until I found you. I, then, realized I wanted you. And we thought you wanted me first, didn't we? But, did you? Why did you insist so much in having me, if you didn't want me?</p><p>"I did! I did want you, Klaus!", he answered to me once, when I asked, but that time I didn't ask so gently.</p><p>"You don't want me anymore?", I persisted.</p><p>"I do! I do, I just don't... Know, why you bear it so much!"</p><p>Bear? What did I have to bear?</p><p>"Me", he said, as if it was obvious, "why do you bear with me if you made so clear that you didn't like me?"</p><p>No... Not that again. You don't trust my words? You don't believe in my changing?</p><p>"I just don't understand it. And I am just seeing it now, how much of a bastard you've been!"</p><p>Alright, I don't deny it. I've been a bastard. But I'm not anymore. I am trying daily to redeem myself. Is it not enough?</p><p>"Is not", he said, blowing smoke angrily. Even I had stopped smoking when we became parents, but he started once, all of a sudden -yet he always smoked in the yard.</p><p>But, why are you so mad? </p><p>"Because you annoy me!! You bother me! Being suddenly so... Pathetic, and suddenly kissing the ground beneath my feet! I'm the same guy, Klaus! I haven't changed!! Why do you suddenly love me so?? I am even worse than before, I smoke, I drink, I insult you and I am irritable!"</p><p>I don't know that myself. I just love you. Is it really that pathetic? Weren't you the most romantic man of all?</p><p>"I just matured. And I have noticed how... Toxic our relationship has been since the start. You hurt me, and I hurt you. You manipulate me and I manipulate you. You control me, and I control you, Klaus, we're sick!"</p><p>I don't mind being sick with you...</p><p>"How can you say those things?!"</p><p>I say those things because I love you! I love you, you fucking idiot! Don't you see it? Don't you believe it when I say it to you? The fact that it took me time to see it doesn't make my love any worse than yours!</p><p>"It... I am..."</p><p>He was speechless and he threw the cigarette and stepped on it over and over.</p><p>I felt bad. I felt angry and hurt. See, why happiness is so bad? It confuses you. Makes you frivolous and you don't see the bad side of things.</p><p>"... What do you want? Do you want us to separate?", I asked.</p><p>He just pouted and then he started crying. I took it as a yes and I looked up and sighed. I punched my thighs with the sides of my fists, gently, trying to control my temper.</p><p>"You don't love me anymore?", I asked.</p><p>"I do", he answered with a dry sob.</p><p>"What do you want?", I insisted.</p><p>He shook his head, just crying.</p><p>"... Are you really that unhappy?", I kept inquiring.</p><p>"N-no... I'm just... Unsatisfied...", he was still crying.</p><p>"What do you want? You want freedom? You want another lover?"</p><p>"NO!"</p><p>"Then what do you want?"</p><p>"I... Want to be happy!"</p><p>"What must I do?!"</p><p>"I don't know!?"</p><p>It was just like a bottomless pit. There was something bad, yes, but we couldn't tell what. So we kept going over and over the same topics and questions.</p><p>I even wanted to cry. But I am stronger than average and I took a deep breath and went on.</p><p>"Do you really still love me?", I asked again and he nodded, "do you want me?"</p><p>"... Yes..."</p><p>"... Dorian, I love you. I have changed so much. Maybe that's what makes you mad?"</p><p>"N-nooo..."</p><p>"You are just tired. And disappointed. You are seeing how bad I was, and I understand it. But right now, you can yell at me, curse me, beat me if you have to, but you can't push me away. You can't. Stop pushing me away because I'm not going anywhere. Stop testing me because I guarantee you, I won't leave you".</p><p>"WHY?!"</p><p>"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!", damn this airhead.</p><p>"And why do you love me so?!"</p><p>"It beats me but I do! And do you?"</p><p>"Yes, yes I do!"</p><p>"Then who gives a shit about... Fucking toxicity? What... Are you talking about? We've been through everything and NOW you worry about what? Toxicity? Who even knows shit about what I feel for you or you feel for me? Of course we'll hurt each other! It's Dorian and Klaus! But who cares! Only Dorian and Klaus should care, and I care, Dorian, I care for you! I don't give a damn about you yelling at me now, as you didn't care when I yelled at you, because you loved me! And we're on this boat now, and we have a family and I want you to spend my life with! Stop pushing me away! What the fuck do you want, Dorian, for fuck's sake?"</p><p>He was crying so much. He shrugged. </p><p>"I don't know...", he said softly.</p><p>"I do. I want you. And I will make up for you, every single day of our lives. Step on me and poison my food but I'll recover and I won't give up on you because I don't do that. You will have to see that. You will see that. That girl will be raising our grandchildren while you'll be yelling at me for not fixing the tap, but I'll be there. I won't give up on you, not again. Because I love you and that is all I know now".</p><p> </p><p>He sobbed and I shyly tried to hold him. He held me so tight and cried against me long enough to get my shirt damp. </p><p>I never knew how this husband job was like, how this father job was like. It's exhausting, and it's frustrating, and I find myself sometimes wanting to punch a wall and run away. I imagine he must feel the same. I imagine he must feel WORSE. Being as romantic as he was. He enjoyed the chase. But deep inside, he hated the rejection. He is so proud. I know I've hurt him more than anyone in his entire life. I know now, and I regret it but what can I do? I do my best now. And I know he surely hoped our life to be happy and beautiful, but it isn't. We struggle so much. But there are moments in which planets are aligned and our house is filled with his laughter, and the baby's -who's not a baby anymore, when did she grow so tall?- and maybe mine too. And sometimes we're quieter but the silence is comfortable. And sometimes he sleeps with his arms around me, making my arms numb and sore. And I feel genuinely happy. But some others, the house is full of door slamming, muffled crying, back facing back. But I know eventually, I will feel his arm timidly wrapping my waist from behind, and his nose nuzzling my back, and his soft voice, whispering "I'm sorry", and everything will be okay. </p><p>Because we love each other. And those little moments of happiness can beat all the yelling and fighting. Because I want him. And he wants me. We love each other the way only we understand, and I will never, ever give up on us, because as tempestuous as it is, it is ours. And I can't get rid of it. Of us. I am not giving up on us.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is merely a personal appreciation of the struggles of being in love, of loving your partner. I felt the urge to write this down, to pour so many feelings in this. So I did.</p><p>I used Klaus, the less sentimental man of all, to express this, precisely for that reason. How much the revelation of loving someone can change you...<br/>And yet, love isn't always moans and roses. Sometimes love is the thorn that digs in your skin until you hurt and bleed, but wounds can be healed and the rose remains a rose, beautiful and aromatic.</p><p>The title comes from a song, a cute song from an Argentinian band which speaks of the cute side of being married but also of the little sad moments of crying. </p><p>I got so sentimental with this. I hope it does not make you gag in disgust.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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